Proverbs 10:18-20
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.
The Bible has a lot to say about speech and words. No where in it does it say that "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me". It instead speaks of tongues sharpened like swords and words being used like arrows. This is much more true. No physical harm I have ever had has affected me so much as spoken words. It seems that in my adult life I have had more dealings with hurtful words spoken towards me and my spouse even from friends than when I was a teenager. Who said people grow up?
This week I was verbally attacked by a patient. Someone who only thinks he knows me, thinks he knows "my type." He categorized me as someone who doesn't care about anything but my own good. According to him, we'll call him Mr. Willis, I don't care about the war in Iraq, the people whose lives were effected by the tornadoes in Alabama, or about sick people in general. I am both too soft (for getting my feelings hurt) and too calloused(because I don't listen) to Mr. Willis. I was stuck in his room for about 20 minutes while he berated me, villianized me and accused me.
I was stuck alright. I wanted to defend myself, return his hateful words with words of my own. I remember Steve (my pastor) speaking about not defending yourself and about not managing outcomes and opinions. I took it for a while - then I had to defend myself and my coworkers. This is where the real problem came in. Mr. Willis did not want me to have an opinion nor was I entitled to have a rebuttal. He wanted me to take responsibility for everything that had happened to him that day, forgetting the fact that it was after 5pm and this was the first time I had even been into his room that day. He accused me of "pointing a shotgun and shooting bullets" at him. After about 20 minutes I finally stuttered out a response that sounded something like this, "You don't know me, if I did not care about people I would not be a nurse. I could work in research somewhere and never touch a patient ever. I cannot confirm or deny anything that has happened in this room today anymore than you can confirm or deny anything that happened in the room next door to you. But I can tell you that you hurt my feelings when you said __________ and that is when I put my wall up." I then apologized if I had upset him only to get a sigh and a shake of the head.
Now, tell me why I can recall every second of that very long one sided encounter when it is so easy to forget nice words that are spoken to me? How can one person's words cut me so deeply that I question my career and my personality, my life? I have spent so much time in reflection wondering if I really am so self absorbed. This man doesn't know me. But then my brain starts trying to pull a lesson from the encounter. Maybe God wanted me to hear those words to spur me to action, to put things in perspective. Maybe I needed to be knocked down a peg. Maybe I just was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I know that in the eyes of my place of employment I probably should not have rebutted. In the eyes of my husband I should have walked out at the first sign of conflict, but I stayed because of a customer service mindset that has been drilled into me.
I'm not sure if I will ever know why I went through that this week. Perhaps only for the reminder to watch my own mouth.
Psalm 37:30
The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.
Psalm 39:1
I said, "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence."
Lord, help me to remember that words cut and wound so easily. Help me to guard my tongue from flippant observations of people. Help me to remember that you know every word before it leaves my mouth and that I am placed here to build up and not tear down. Remind me to encourage and speak kindness.
