So I'm pregnant, surprisingly I have not bogged about it. I've had a journal I've kept for Norah (my baby girl) which has sort of taken the place of this, only I haven't really divulged much info for her future self to read.
Negative symptoms I've experienced: shock, fatigue, disbelief, sleeplessness, nausea, drop in blood pressure, crazy, soreness, sciatic pain, crazy, swelling, cravings, a little more crazy, crying, a few more cravings. Though none of it has been too bad, except for the crazy. This includes several (I lost count, though my husband could probably tell you) episodes of me crying and other various aspects of emotional breakdown. For example, he was popped on the back of the head once for grabbing a white towel when that clearly did not match the bathroom decor. And early on in the pregnancy I did attempt to break into the bathroom when he got in the shower before I could. Please pray for him because I fear these outbursts are not over. Though I really have tried, especially lately, to control myself.
Today I had my 31 week appointment. I made a small mention to the nurse today that I have noticed a fluttering in my heart which affects my breathing as well as making me anxious, that it happens at least once a day, for at least 15 minutes. I honestly haven't mentioned to anyone, maybe once in passing to Phillip. Something told me to mention it to the nurse, it was kind of even an after thought, a few seconds after she had asked if I had noticed any issues. I took a deep breath and spilled it. Then took my pee cup and when to the bathroom to make my deposit, and afterwards met up with Phil in the appointment room. Not really thinking anything else about it. I couldn't even get in the door before the nurse resurfaced and followed me into the room to ask more questions.
Ok, no big deal.
Soon the midwives came in, wielding a stethoscope. More questions and an auscultation later, Allison won herself a cardiology consultation. Yippee. She said she heard a third heart sound. That most likely this is due to the increased load on my heart. I told about my history with heart problems, an arrhythmia in high school managed by a beta blocker.
At this point I am awaiting a phone call from the OB office to tell me when my heart appointment is. I feel like I should have just kept it a secret. I don't want to be back on a beta blocker. I don't want this history with my heart to hurt my baby. I have worried myself sick today, only causing more episodes with my heart. Every twitch I feel I worry that it's her telling me she's not getting enough air or that she's uncomfortable or something. I know that she's fine for now-her heart rate was in the 140s today. But I can't help but wonder what labor will do. Will I have to have cardiac medications through my IV? What if I end up not able to push her out and have to go to the OR? .....So many questions.
or What if I just trust God to take care of me and my family?
