The Jesus of Suburbia - Mike Erre Exerpt

I have been reading this book for the better part of a year and half. Though I love it's words it is not a book that you can settle into after a long day, instead you must engage your brain to read it. I have been in and out of a reading phase for a while, so I was excited to get through about 75 pages on a recent camping trip with friends. The funny thing about this book is that God strikes me with the urge to read just when the next chapter I am to read in the book applies to my life most. So on the day that our preacher, Steve Cobb, was to announce a huge change in the was our church is to structure our Sunday school/Bible Fellowship Groups. Any change brings discomfort. Though I am very excited about the change to small group that meet in homes and am ready grow smaller and closer. So here is the excerpt that God had for me on that day.

"The Church and the Mall

Consumerism is the god of this age. I spend my days choosing between countless goods and services, all designed to cater to my preferences and whims. I wake up in the morning and have my choice among an absurd number of breakfast cereals (or other foods, for that matter). I can catch up on the news either by reading my choice of newspapers, by checking any number of Web sites, or by watching one (or more) of 200 TV channels. I stand in front of my closet looking at over thirty different shirts (although I usually just wear my top four), thirteen pairs of shoes, pants, shorts-most of which I don't need, let alone ever wear. I drive to work listening to one of 100 radio stations. I go out to lunch at my pick of hundreds of local restaurants, each offering an extensive menu of selections. Going to the mall or grocery store presents me with a bewildering array of choices. I spend all day, every day, deciding what I want and what will be most pleasing to me. When I choose poorly, I have "buyer's remorse"; when I choose well, I feel momentary satisfaction until I have to look into my overstuffed refrigerator and decide what to have for dinner. My life is based on my right to choose.

So it no surprise that this mentality creeps into the church. Many of us come to God with our wants, desires, and preferences in primary view. And churches, if they are not careful, begin to cater to perceived demands of their patrons. A mall mentality affects the church. We feel the need to offer a dizzying selection of services and ministries designed to "meet the needs" of the whole family, realizing. of course. that if we don't. there are many churches in the area who are willing to meet those needs. Our job, even unconsciously, becomes outdoing the "competition" down the street.

Erwin McManus, in his book Unstoppable Force, makes a distinction regarding the church, which has stuck with me. McManus distinguishes between the church as a movement and the church as an institution. A movement is concerned with it's mission-it exists for a reason and will stretch itself to grow and accommodate to fulfill that mission. An institution, on the other hand, exists for itself-it seeks to maintain the status quo and usually has a great deal of resistance to change. A movement adapts and grows; an institution preserves and guards. A movement is organic and grass roots; an institution is structured and hierarchical. This distinction exists on a continuum-every church, to some degree, is both movement and institution.

God intended his church to be a movement, guided and powered by the Holy Spirit to fulfill the mission of Christ on the Earth, which is to make disciples of all the nations and to be his witnesses to the ends of the earth (Matt 28-18-20; Acts 1:8) Both structure and organization are necessary within such a movement. We see this in the early church and the instructions of Paul. The apostles had to delegate some work to others so they could focus primarily on teaching and prayer (Acts 6:1-7). Paul put believers in positions of authority and charged them with oversight and leadership of local churches. (e.g.; Titus 1:5)

Not everything about an institution is bad, but I suspect most of it is simply unhelpful in accomplishing the mission the church has been given. When the church turns inward and begins catering to the preferences of those who are there, it leaves the dynamic edge of Spirit-led obedience to places of greater and greater discomfort. When a church spends most of its times on cherished traditions and ceases to ask God in prayerful dependence what else he may be doing (even if it doesn't look like what we are doing now) so that we may join him there, we lose the joy and wonder of seeing God do the unexpected and unplanned-for.

Many of us realize the consumer mindset is the exact opposite of the outlook we are to have when it comes to the purpose of the church. I've heard many times. "The church is the only organization that exists for it's non-members." Most agree with the sentiment; we just don't know how to do that or why. The church has been (and still should be) a revolutionary community attempting to subvert and redeem the culture around it. Perhaps the clearest picture of how the church should function within a culture that is hostile to is comes from the book of Revelation. "

Emphasis mine.

Sorry this got so long but it is such a powerful passage. I want to join Christ in his plan for our church, for our city, for our state.....

Finally !

I finally put use to all those color swatches I took from Lowe's. I had in mind, months ago when we painted, to put these swatches over the bed in a wooden frame. I had seen some awesome frames with metal clothes pins at Pier One. These were designed to hold pictures in a 3x3 matrix. I thought they would be perfect to hold the swatches but they were $18 a piece and I wanted 3. I wasn't willing to part with my money so I commissioned my father to build something similar, I think he forgot in all of the hubbub at work and I forgot too. Then, today I organized my closet and got rid of some old wire-build-it-yourself shelves. I thought I could use them for something and then it hit me. What you see is the result of free swatches, shelving I already had, scotch tape and push pins. This cost me 1.36 for the push pins today. And I like it! It brings in the yellow from the curtains and the greens from the pillows.

Love at first "site" ;o)

Fall is here and I love fall clothes!

Here are some sites I've been ogling lately.

I love almost anything from Shop Ruche

http://www.shopruche.com/shop-lookbook-c-24.html


How cute is this coat?












I have also discovered Pink Studio shoes. It's love.










Another site I just found is Nations Outfitters - they donate 5% to Habitat for Humanity. Plus they have some really cute clothing.

http://www.nationsoutfitters.com/index.php

Of course I always check out anthropologie.com, delias.com and urbanoutfitters.com


Off to search some more!

Prayers

I was flipping through my journal I kept through Centrifuge several years ago. It was a difficult time. I was a newly-wed. Newly away from my new husband which I had been only living with on the weekends due to school. I was still struggling to hear from God on the subject of "career" as I was in nursing school. I was stuck on a song called "Hosea's Wife" by my favorite, Brooke Fraser. The words that kept going through my head were

"We are Hosea's wife, we are squandering this life.
Using people like ladders and words like knives

[Chorus]
If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths the word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin"

I was praying asking "What do I live for?" Begging God that I not squander this life. 

Through all of this I recorded words I felt were from God, my prayer to Him and then
 another response. It was so amazing to go back and read this.

The first was
"Get real. Stop living life with a God-shaped backdrop. Let me show you how to live life more
abundant.  Let me show you what that means. "

Me "God, I want to reach people for you.  I want to be an instrument I just don't know where."

"My people are everywhere-go to my world.  Touch those you have always avoided.  Be open-be vulnerable. 
Don't you know I will take care of you? Don't you know I love you-I sent my son for you Allison. 
Do you not trust me with your life? I won't hurt you.  You may be hurt, you may love and lose.
But lean on me.  Trust me.  Surrender to me.  I will show you in time. I will get you through this
last semester.  Rest in me.  Know my peace.  Feel my love and with that love, love my people. 
You know where I have placed your heart and that scares you.  But, again, I say trust in me.
I will not lead you astray.  It may not be a straight path - But it's my path."

How is it so easy to forget the words he tells us when times change. 

In the Quiet

All too often we fill our days with chatter. mindless. shallow. hollow. filler. Just to fill up the air. Just to feel like we've connected with someone else on this vast earth full of people. Full of chattering, babbling people. I realized at work these last few days how often I am inundated with noise. Working at hospital is an assault to all of your senses and emotions. Phones ringing, call bells/bed alarms/bed exits, the tube system beeps, nurses talking, techs talking, doctors talking, patients yelling down the hall, vital sign machines alarming and then there are the cardiac monitors. All this noise overwhelms someone like me that gets overstimulated so easily. Working with some of the nurses I was on the schedule with this week made me realize how much they fill the air with their words. People that talk just to do it. There's nothing particularly useful in their speech. Just griping, complaining trying to get some validation.

Today I was quiet. I use this loosely because I find it so hard to be still and quiet. I almost always have background noise. Sometimes I'm afraid what will happen when I turn it off. But for me, today, I was quiet. I spoke very few words, maybe a couple of "Cooper, wanna go outside?"'s. But really that was it. I needed to get grounded again before more work and with the husband out of town it was a perfect day for some alone time. So I drove to Morehead to "shop." I bought nothing, went to two stores and drove home. I found it curious that I even bothered to go. But on the way home I realized that I had said nothing today. I hadn't been on the phone or run into anyone I knew. It was 3:30pm and I had not spoken to anyone. I started thinking about if I had used my voice today. I had, I had sung in the car, worship songs. There is something special about not filling the air with my mindless chatter and only speaking praise to my God. It felt right, so I kept it up. I haven't taken phone calls. I have just been quiet. I when I did sing praises it meant so much more.

God, let me learn to listen before I speak. Let me be ok with the silence, what's the worst that could happen? I hear from you? Let me be more eager to speak praise than condescension. Let me learn to just be with You.

Easy craft

This was a dollar store frame with a little bit of paint, sharpie, paper and hot glue. Very easy and a cute addition to our front door, which is magnetic by the way.

New Bible study

"Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" John Piper.

The idea is that the group does this independently, together. We meet up once a week to discuss it.

Lesson 1 was fairly easy. It introduced the topic, the goal and posed a few, short, thought provoking questions.

I like to start first with definitions of the words:
See:
1 a : to perceive by the eye b : to perceive or detect as if by sight
2 a : to have experience of b : to come to know c : to be the setting or time of
3 a : to form a mental picture of : visualize b : to perceive the meaning or importance of : understand c : to be aware of : recognize

Savor
1 : to give flavor to : season
2 a : to have experience of :taste b : to taste or smell with pleasure : relish c : to delight in : enjoy

One of the questions asks if you can see Christ without savoring Him. I think there are two ways to look at this. First, as a Christian I think if you truly see Christ then you would recognize Him and therefore "savor" Him. I do think, however, that you can see Christ such as in His creation and not know Christ and experience Him without savoring Him.

Have you ever been asked by your parents "Are hearing me or are you listening to me?" I think it can be like that with Christ. To see Him without seeing Him.

A second part of the study asks the participant to list attributes of Jesus that they love.
The more I thought about it the more I realized I love the 'human' parts of Jesus the best.
I love how accessible He is. How He walked beside people and spoke with them rather than to them. Our politicians don't even do that and they are no one really in comparison.
I love that he healed a man with some spit and some mud.
I love His passion.
I love His anger.
Anyway, Lesson 2 looks much harder. We'll see how that goes.

Same dog, same old tricks

Food and I have always had a love hate relationship. Colicky from the very beginning, diagnosed with Acid reflux disease at nine and downhill from there. I had a vitamin deficiency in the seventh grade an threw up every morning for 2 weeks, usually between reading time and pre-algebra, sometimes on the floor. Anorexia from eighth through eleventh grade. I finally broke 100 lbs at the age of 18 and that was so scary. In the past I had not eaten to gain some sort of control.

I've picked it up again. This time I'm not sure why, but the difference is I know that I'm doing it and I don't want to change. I am hungry at times and still don't eat. The other night I went to bed hungry, it took an hour to fall asleep because of the acid and the pain. I've told my husband. So he can keep after me about it. Or just to tell someone. Ugh...

Good for the soul, murder on the back

As of late I have been increasingly intrigued by Craft blogs and making new things from old things. I decided to use clothes that we would typically toss due to an ill-fit or a stain here or there and use them for fabrics. I've also used items that I don't wear often and "beautified" them. :)

Today I spent much time in the floor of my den working on the owl pillow, the stuffed owl, and the black shirt with pink flowers. And now I cannot walk.

Reading as a pastime?

College squelched my love for reading which was more of like to start with anyways. Accelerated Reader killed my love for reading. With accelerated reader books are given a grade level and an amount of points. Each student is tested to see what grade level they read at and then given an amount of points that must be earned each quarter. My reading level was higher than the grade I was in and I was forced to read books written on my reading level meaning they were harder, lengthier and the tests were more difficult. Making my life more difficult. Because I would read huge books and test badly on them (not get the points I needed), essentially wasting all the time I had spent reading that huge book. And my grades would suffer because AR counted for 25% of my literature grade.

Then came high school and honors English classes with their huge reading lists and symbolism that no one understood. Huge book reports. Posters. Sock puppets. One annoying project after another.

College. As a nursing major I lacked the time and the zeal for reading.

Since then I had just avoided reading for fun. I tried sometimes but nothing kept my interest until Redeeming Love. Francine Rivers has such a gift.

Redeeming Love takes a look at the story of Hosea and his wife. I loved being able to relate a story I was reading to the Bible and to God's love and grace for me. No matter what I do God will take me in, so willing to forgive my misdeeds. I read this book more quickly than any book in the last 7 years. My husband took notice too. I would find myself compelled to pick up the book and help Angel get back home to her loving husband.

After finishing this story I wanted to see what else Mrs. Rivers had for me to read. I went to our local library I found a couple of books. I really want to read the Mark of the Lion series but all our library had was the third book. I instead picked up the story of Rahab. It's a short book with a Bible study at the end. I've loved reading about Rahab so far. It's made me have a new appreciation for Old Testament stories. I like this new drive I have to learn more about the Bible and the customs that regulated these early believers. Hmm, I think I'll just keeping reading.

Garage Doors

As a high school girl I was burned many many times by my friends and those I thought were my friends. I would go home upset, crying to mom and dad and they would say something to the tune of "Forgive them but watch your back." After much deliberation I would forgive and not forget only to be betrayed again.

I am pretty sure I am not alone in this scenario. We have all been burned and continue to saddle up and put ourselves out there again. It's human nature to want to become introverted. To hold our love to ourselves and not share it. But this is not what God has in mind.

As a sophomore I went to Mission fuge in Jacksonville, Florida. I wanted to go to work on houses that way I could be useful and yet keep a safe distance from those I was ministering to. We got to camp late and my plans changed. All of the construction groups were filled and I ended up working with inner city children. I was pissed! I didn't want to be around children that would stir something in me only to leave them in 5 days. During the week I became hopelessly attached and bitter. You see, before camp I had plans to become an interior designer and the longer I was in Jacksonville the more God said "Allison you need to go into service." I prayed against it at first and then succumbed to it wanting to know more. Service morphed into nursing.

Nursing, great, that doesn't hurt, right? There's no way I would have to put myself out there only to be hurt. Ha! I still feel that I have not been told specifically by God where to be a nurse but He made things very easy for me to get a job at the local hospital. I try to love my patients with God's love. I fall so short. And sometimes the patients don't make it easy. I pray every morning for my patients long before I get to work. I go in with an open mind. Usually things go well. But sometimes just as I am allowing God to work through me and I start getting attached to a person and their family, something happens. To me it feels like a garage door. In the morning I allow the garage to door to open, the day goes great and it continues to rise. Then something triggers the laser and down the door goes. I don't know how to keep loving when I am afraid of being hurt and I don't know how to love when sometimes I feel so empty.

Luxury

Have you ever wondered if maybe you just aren't one of those people who get what they want in life? That maybe God has you in a control group? You aren't losing anything but you aren't really gaining anything either. Perhaps God has chosen a career for you that you are good at but don't revel in. Perhaps He has you in a house that is "just okay." Every time you pursue something great either you pick it apart so violently that it doesn't even resemble the original idea or it always seems just out of reach. What do you think He is teaching us in these moments, or lifetimes as it feels? Is He teaching us to be content with what He's given us? Or is He teaching us to reach beyond what is comfortable to where the only option is to rely on Him?

This week I stumbled upon a gorgeous house online. It so happened that the next day my husband had lunch with our friend and Realtor who just happened to ask if we had seen any houses we are interested in. See, the house we live in is what people call "a great starter home." No shame there, we are just starting. But my husband lived in this house before me and when I moved in the house had one statement: Bachelor. In the two years we have resided here as husband and wife we have done great things to this starter home. I have so many more decorating ideas and inspirations, but am reluctant to take those steps in this house because I feel that these things would be wasted. I see the value in making a house a home but I've never saw us as staying here for very long. Plus, my taste is eclectic and I do not want to personalize the house so much that people would be turned off when they come as perspective buyers. So this has limited my creativity a good bit. Not to mention, I am very very cheap!

Ok, back to the dream house. This house is in a way what my husband and I have always wanted; open floor plan, plenty of storage, hickory floors that are to die for, designer kitchen the list goes and goes. The catch? The price. The house is very much worth the price but since I've been working ( only a year and some change) my husband and I have been paying off debt so the cash pile is rather small at the moment. Right now we are not sure what a down payment would in tell all I know is that I would have to work for it, for most likely around 3 years. I know I sound like a work snob. I've only just started and I'm already looking for a way out. But when it came to children it was important for my husband and I to have a parent to stay home with the children. So the children planning may be pushed off some--for a house? Does this make sense? I'm not sure. In a way it does because I cannot see children in our current home and I can see them in the other house.


But all of this does make me wonder about wants versus needs. Yes, I've heard the verse about God giving us the desires of our hearts. But there are two lessons that could be learned in this situation. Here are the contenders: Leaning too firmly on the financial comfort we have in a smaller less dreamy home or trusting that God has put this house in our path so that we would be happy in a dream home and be forced to trust Him and stop relying on ourselves as providers.

Doing better

So I started one of these in college but it disappeared, so new year, new attitude, new blog? I'll try it. I'm not sure if this is the outlet that I hope it will be, I don't know that I want my thoughts to be public but I type more easily than I write.

I have been in a funk lately; funk meaning depressed, disillusioned, confused, mislead and whiny. I know that I need to do better. The people around me deserve better than to hear me gripe all the time, though it has helped to know that I have not been alone in my loneliness. The source of my strife is like so many, my job as well as a sense of purposelessness.

Today at church I learned that I am supposed to delight in my work. What if my heart desire for work is totally separate than my job? What if I feel like God made me good at something I dislike? I am certainly not in it for the money, at least that is not what lead me to my job. It is however one of the best motivations I have found in this redundant circle that I call life. Sleep, eat, work. Day off- lack motivation to do anything before 12. Sleep, work. Stress. Stress. Stress. Laundry. Stress. Clean.

How do I delight in this? So this Brother Laurence guy found joy in washing dishes, maybe I could too but as I think about this- he had time in his job to focus on Christ. I don't feel like this is so in my career. I feel that my patients would rather me focus on their low BP than be trying to deepen my relationship during my 12 hour shift. Not that I don't pray for guidance, most days I have prayed for my patients 3-4 times before I ever enter the doors of my workplace. But this is not going to be only griping about my job, the Lord knows I've done enough of that.

This is about doing better.

That's my new years resolution. No long list about health, wealth, and exercise. I simply want to do better than I did in 2009. Shouldn't be hard, 2009 I spent mostly in a fog trying like hell to figure out why I am where I am and where do I go from here. Doing better.... that means that when faced with a situation I will consider my options and choose better than I have. I will live like I have a mission. I will live like the blessed child of God that I am. I will fight depression and a sense of not being fulfilled because God didn't promise me that I would be fulfilled in my work. I will gripe less. Smile more. Laugh. Take some initiative in my life. Realize God is in control but not give up my role completely. I refuse to sit back and let life happen to me. I will demand more respect. Give more respect. And love like God does to the best of my ability.

I will need support, I will seek it out.

Here's to 2010, ready to begin again, begin again. :)